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Story

By Gretchen Crowder

This original poem is part of the Pilgrim Stories initiative and a project of the Ignatian Year

Tell me, Lord,
in clear words
I can not miss:
What is my magis?

What is
that one thing
that will use it all,
each and every gift?

I feel
deep inside
that this thing,
it exists.

It MUST exist
or I wouldn’t
be feeling
so drawn towards
… something.

What is it, Lord?
Where is it, Lord?
Where can I
be most myself?
Where can I
offer the light
that is only
mine to offer?

Where can I
let go of the mantle
of false humility,
of frustration,
of desolation
that is blinding me
from the
person you
so lovingly
created me to be?

Where can I
put on instead
the mantle
of inspiration,
of hope,
of joy,
of good and
meaningful work?

I am stuck, Lord,
in the agonizing
in-between.

I am waiting
for direction.

So please
direct me.

I know
You have a habit
of speaking
in whispers,
but please,
this time,
speak loudly,
speak boldly,
so I can hear
Your voice
above all
the constant din
inside and outside
of me.

I am,
for the first time,
open and ready.

I am ready
to be the light
you have always
wanted me to be.

I believe,
for the first time,
that I can do it…
if You only
show me
what it is.

So help me,
direct me,
lead me forward
to my greater,
to my magis.

Show me
what it is
and then,
prepare my heart
so I can go
ALL IN.

Gretchen Crowder has served as a campus minister and Ignatian educator for the Jesuit Dallas community for the last fifteen years. She has a B.S. in mathematics and a M.Ed. from the University of Notre Dame as well as an M.T.S. from the University of Dallas. She is also a freelance writer and speaker. You can find her writing at gretchencrowder.com and @gdcrowder on all social media platforms. She resides in Dallas, TX with her husband, three boys, and an ever-growing number of pets.

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