The renowned — and prolific — Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh has some helpful tips for dealing with anger. In his aptly named book, “Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames,” he writes, “When anger manifests in us, we must recognize and accept that anger is there and that it needs to be tended to.” (72)
Hanh cautions against hasty action. We need to turn inward, reflect on the source of our anger and then take good care of ourselves. He encourages us to embrace the fullness of who we are — anger and all — rather than wage an inner war. Anger, he says, is not an evil thing but a part of us that needs loving attention.
But we can’t stop there. Though we should refrain from a knee-jerk response that might hurt others, we do need to act. “Do not keep your suffering or your anger to yourself for more than one day,” Hanh writes. (74)
We must turn to a trusted friend, a beloved partner or a wise mentor. And with that person, we must share our struggle. How? We admit three simple truths, Hanh says: I’m angry; I’m doing my best; please, help me.
There are times, he says, when we are not yet ready to speak these words aloud. Still, he insists on a 24-hour timeline. If we are not yet able to utter these words, we must write them down; we must share them as a “peace note” with our beloved. We must not conceal our anger and our suffering in shadow.
I find Thich Nhat Hanh’s words very wise, very helpful and very applicable to many struggles we may face in our spiritual lives well beyond anger. It’s not hard to glimpse parallels between his teachings and the Ignatian tradition.
Ignatius, too, counsels us against making rash decisions when in a state of desolation. Ignatius, too, encourages us to care for our full selves — body, mind and spirit, cura personalis.
But in reading Hanh’s words, I found myself lingering upon the idea of “peace notes.” It sounds cheesy, childish, like some form of educational punishment one might encounter in an elementary school. Reading Hahn’s words evoked in me some inner resistance: Writing down an inner struggle and passing it to a friend is a waste of time; I would never do that.
Here’s something I believe to be true: It’s important to pray with those things that stir up in us inner resistance.
In doing so, I stumbled upon another of Ignatius’ insights: The enemy of our human nature prefers to deal in shadow and secrecy. The enemy “seeks to remain hidden and does not want to be discovered.” (SE 326) The enemy desires that we remain beholden to suffering, that we keep our inner struggles to ourselves and resist the healing power of community.
Little, simple acts help us ferret out the enemy of our human nature, those forces that would keep us trapped and floundering in our own shame and rage and sorrow. Little, simple acts can reconnect us with our childlike selves — the parts of us that are ready and willing to look at the world with wonder, awe and curiosity. Little, simple acts like sharing a peace note.
We don’t need to limit our reflection here to thoughts on anger. Instead, I invite you to reflect on your own personal struggles, those places that have a hold on you, that evoke some degree of suffering. Then, I invite you to share your own peace note, however it might take form, with someone in your life.
Because both St. Ignatius and Thich Nhat Hanh are right: We need one another in our spiritual journey. That means we need to throw open the windows of our souls and let the air and the light in. We need to chase out the shadows and all they may conceal and in so doing love our full selves, embrace all that we are, and then offer that fullness to love and serve all of God’s family.
